How Feminism F`d Up.
It was an accident. But it happened.
And, as Einstein wisely mused:
"The same level of thinking that created the problem, will not solve the problem."
So what I have on offer today, is a different level of thinking on this very old problem. If we had actually been tackling this issue the right way, then we would have solved the problem already. But we haven't. We have been to the moon and back several times since we started trying to solve inequality. So let's accept our reality, shall we? We missed something along the way. We are gonna need to find a better question on this.
Word of advice on what you are about to read - do it in place where you can close the door. You'll need to play a short video and a song later. You might need privacy so you can feel this. Getting you on the Theta brain wave isn't going to be enough, we need a bit of Alpha brain waves here. I don't just write in 3D, I write in heart language, so you'll need to open yours to hear this. My personal story is an epic version of "Eat, Pray, Love" and this is part of my journey, so this will not be linear.
For a framework - When I speak of Masculine and Feminine Energies, I am speaking of polarity, of yin and yang, of the fact that light and dark do not exist without each other. Of water and fire that were meant to balance each other. When these polarities are out of balance, the world simultaneously burns down and drowns.
As I said in my article on Exposing Corporate Wellness...
If you truly want the deep, world changing answer, to equality, you will find it here, on this page - if you want to.
I am going to spend two minutes setting you up for this. So please take a breath, (in through the nose, and out through the mouth, and then do it again, relaxing your jaw as you let the pressure of this world fall out of your mouth and out of your body via your breath)
What you are about to feel, see and hear, is a big part of the answer that we are all desperately looking for - and you know this - or you did once, a long time ago. You really just need to remember. Or, as story tellers and wise women say, you just need to ra-member.
Much of the answer we are looking for, when we hopelessly tackle equality, feminism and diversity, is in the story of "Moana." You will soon believe me on that.
They didn't make that movie for kids, they made it for the inner children of the confused adults, that are parents of the kids that still know and understand Moana.
I use story and archetypes in all of my work. They diffuse triggers inside our psyches, they speak to a different part of us, an older, knowing part of us that has never been wounded - because it cannot be wounded. Story unlocks what we forgot we knew. It slips underneath the outrage landmines and offensive bear traps and shows us the truth, when we are not triggered, our capacity to be honest about the truth, comes back online. For a split second, soon, you will feel the truth in this article before you even consciously understand it.
Come along for the story, we need this story to open us up to what we already know.
The story goes like this. At the beginning of time, when there was only water, Te Fiti, a feminine god, shared her creative, life giving heart with the world. Creating islands, trees, and balance for everyone. She had a powerful heart, (a green stone with a spiral in it) which is where her power was stored. Power-thirsty creatures and gods wanted it. One day, a bungling masculine demi-god, Maui (a shapeshifter,) stole her heart.
The paradise island where he found it, started to crumble as soon as he removed it. The whole thing turned into a black charcoal. As he escaped and landed back on the ocean, a firey, lava-ish feminine monster (Te ka), rose out of the sea and tried to kill him, to get the heart for herself. She strikes Maui out of the sky and his magical hook, and the Heart of Te Fiti, are lost to the ocean. Maui is never seen again...
Enter Moana, a little girl that the sea calls to her destiny.
The ocean gives her the Heart of Te Fiti, when she is just a toddler. Her grandmother keeps it safe over all the years that her father, who is afraid of the ocean, tries to keep Moana from the call in her heart.
(If you're into it, breath in through the nose and out through the mouth again. This is the 'Water Breath' in the Elemental Breaths that I use in a lot of my workshops. The water breath is a feminine breath, it helps move grief, the collective feminine is full of grief that has not been moved.)
Eventually Moana makes it out, over the reef, which is forbidden, and sets off to find Maui and force him to help her restore the heart of Te Fiti. Maui is a cocky SOB. He tries to lose Moana after she finds him, but the ocean won't let him get away with it. They face typical archetype adversities together - enough to knock some sense into the bungling masculine demi-god. He finally admits that he only stole the heart to give to the humans, so that they would love him. You see, he was rejected by his parents and spent his whole life as an insecure people pleasing demi-god.
Hurt people, hurt people.
(everyone seems to have claimed that saying so we will go with "anonymous"
Eventually they make it to "Te Ka" and get past her. Moana walks up the mountain island that was once Te Fiti, to restore her heart to her - but Te Fiti is not there. (this is feminism arriving and realizing they have not brought the answer to the right place.) All that remains is the outline of a woman's body, at the bottom of the lake. This is the shell of what's left of the vision that "Feminism" started out with.
Moana turns around to look at Te Ka, firey, raging bitch that she is... and here, my friends, lies the answer we have all been seeking.
Maui was feminism gone wrong, it was women moving into an ill-fitted masculine energy. We figured that the world didn't need us to have our hearts of creation. It was only trouble, we had been controlled, diminished, burned at the stake, and raped for it, so it couldn't possibly be of anymore use to us. So our innate masculine energy moved in to save us, and took the best of us away with intent to sell for self-worth.
And up rose Te Ka.
Try to see yourself in every archetype here. You are part Maui, you are part Te Fiti, you are most certainly, Moana. And please, please, notice the apologetic masculine taking a last ditch effort to help the feminine, sacrificing himself for the greater good, so we can heal. AND THEN, notice that the healthy and healed feminine saves him from the raging, wounded and lost feminine, by showing her what she is actually missing. You must watch this, alone is best:
Did you ugly cry? I always do.
Cultures and civilizations and individuals have embodied all of these archetypes for centuries. Can you feel your Moana? Moana is the combination of Elsa and Anna, she integrated them into one. You can do it too.
Maybe be Moana today, whether you are a man or woman, or neither. If you don't know what the hell you are, that's fine, I hardly know myself these days. What I do know for sure, is that we all have Moana inside us. Let her speak to you. Restore the heart to the place you didn't realize it was taken from. Look out over our collective failings and know that our relief is not at the end of our current warpath on inequality. "To every action in the universe there is an equal and opposite reaction." Newton's Third Law Fight inequality, and you strengthen it. Put a system in place to try to reject it, and all you will do is redirect it - it will just come up between the cracks in a worse place. Diet's don't work and neither do 'systems', so let's stop fighting Newton's Third Law, okay? (I say that a lot, i know)
Women are still required to wear high heels while serving drinks and meals in a restaurant. High heels in any work environment damage joints and spines. We may as well put shackles on them, because on a physiological level, that's what they are. We have not gotten nearly as far as we think we have. We have actually failed - underneath the camouflage of what we have accepted as progress. And we can't succeed until we admit that we failed.
Know that the answer is behind us. Know that the healing is what brings back the magic of the receptive, flexible, creative feminine. Masculine energy is capable of transferring, Feminine energy is capable of transformation. Let your inner Moana restore your feminine power back to you. We all have both. Masculine and feminine. The degree of each, within our unique souls and biology, is what determines how we identify these days. It really doesn't need to be complicated. It's complex, yes. That it ever needed to be this complicated, is beyond me. I am in a monogamous relationship, but we are both poly-minded. Our poly-ness created a free space where we chose each other and have no interest in anything else. We found a polarity match. And in that context, I am most definitely feminine AF. So dudes that are embody a health masculine energy, that open doors for me, that build me water barrels, that change my kitchen faucet, that insist on buying me dinner cause I'm a single mom that lost all her work in 2020, and help me hang my art on my walls, turn me on. The freedom of just 'being' that I have gifted to my femininity is the best gift I've ever given to myself. The space that my level of femininity creates for his masculine nature of 'doing' and 'providing' turns him on. It creates polarity. For other people with different balances inside themselves, this would not work in exactly this way. A woman that is masculine AF can be just as happy with a man that embodies a lot of feminine energies. It still creates the polarity we all crave. That's why two women, or two men, of different polarities in a relationship, can work. It's why in one stage of life someone can be 'gay' or 'lesbian' and a few years later, after exploration and personal growth, they suddenly aren't. And vice versa. Polarity is what we are all looking for. And when you change the language, you bypass the triggers. Jesus talked about these things, so they killed him. Knowing these things sets you free, that's why he said them.
So you do you. What's your balance? What makes you feel amazingly balanced inside? That's where your polarity belongs. If you are a feminist, then let these questions settle. Can you feel how this language gives you relief? How the fight stops? The feeling of letting it go and just being what you are? It's incredible, right?
Take this philosophy into the company boardroom and the wage gap, and you'll stop arguing about how more women need to be in leadership. You will ask different questions and you WILL get easier and better answers.
Do you have a lot of men in charge? Do some of them embody a feminine energy that balances the masculine in the rest? Then you probably have a good team. Are they all masculine AF? They you might need some women on the team that are very feminine to balance things out so you don't burn the company down. Too many really feminine woman on the team? You'll drown your profits in feelings and intuition. Ya might need a dude, or a really masculine woman.
Get what I am saying? EQUALITY IS AUTOMATIC WHEN POLARITY IS CREATED AND THE BALANCE OF FEMININE AND MASCULINE QUALITIES IS PURSUED.
Did that sink in? Take the egotistical "E" out of it and everything changes.
When you use the language of qualities, of the feminine and masculine, and relate them to varying degrees between the sexes, and you build a team based on polarity and balancing qualities, then there is no more man vs woman. "Tit for Tat" ends. The war is over.
It changes the whole fucking conversation.
PHEW. I'm tired now.
In the heartbreaking, beautiful, tragic, bittersweet, devastating journey of the need to balance and heal the wounded masculine and the wounded feminine energies of this world, we fucked up. Let's just deal with it now.
Recap: The rejected and wounded masculine tried to take the most powerful magic of the feminine away from women, and give it to humanity for its discretionary use. Fail. It screwed biological women over in unfathomable ways. But he was broken, so he did it in a broken way. Which broke more things.
What happened left the feminine without her essence, forcing her to try to take back what was hers (equality) without her heart leading the way, so she had resort to the fire, heat and aggression of the unbalance masculine, that was left inside her.
We, as women in our society, had to fight for our equality by embodying a masculine energy. It was never going to work longterm. It was only ever a survival strategy. We moved into masculine (doing) energy roles to be able to come up for air. We had to forsake our innate "being" energy. So we became the raging bitch, (Te Ka), the crazy girl, the depressed girl, anxiety girl, unreasonable girl, the 'how does she do it?' girl. We had no choice. Our heart was gone. Our receptive feminine nature had been violated too many times, it was not safe to fight for our rights in that energy, the only ladder up and out was built by masculine energy, so we had to embody it. Biggest con ever, and we failed ourselves. And then we beat up the few women that did mange to make it back to themselves.
If we had remembered to return to our true nature, to honour the feminine energies that our biology was designed to hold, we would have been okay. But we didn't. And so we are not okay. We are left holding both bags. We assumed masculine roles in a masculine way and actually, that could have been okay...... if we hadn't had any children............... suddenly we were doing both jobs, and it started slowly killing us and no one told us it wasn't meant to be this way.
In years, in moments, to shift into our masculine side, to use that energy to get something done, has always been normal. But to forsake our receptive, creative, intuitive nature, to survive, and to forget to go back to it after they let us vote, was a catastrophic fail. And when we are not present and grounded in our innate qualities, the masculine gets lost and finds itself in all kinds of toxic places it was never meant to be:
We used the energy to climb the corporate ladder, we called ourselves momprenuers, we kicked ass during the day and forgot how to just rest and be, when we got home. So our static masculine state started wounding the biological masculine we came home to. They didn't know where to go with their "doing" energy, we had lost our receptive nature. So they went fishing, they found a woman who was receptive, they found a job where their masculine energy was needed fulltime. They got lost too.
And we got resentful. So they called us a cold bitch. Or a raging bitch. (That usually depends on what your biology does with your loneliness.) If it tucks it away in your liver, you'll rage. If it lands in your kidneys, you'll have bladder infections and cry a lot.
Is this enough now? Have I cracked it open? Can you see it? Can you see how obvious and easy the answer is? Can you feel in your deepest parts that it doesn't even matter whose fault it was - because the only way out is together, is to seek our balance and polarity to heal? Understanding Masculine and Feminine Qualities and recognizing them and appreciating them, in whatever biological form they come in, is the way out.
THAT, is the way your company can navigate these things, that's your strategy. You're welcome ;)
To close this for now, here is one of those many things that I seem to know for sure: as long as we need to point a finger of blame, as long as we have not gone inside and found all the same conflict within ourselves, we will never get anywhere.
The Chicken and Egg problem is a gift from the universe. We won't know the answer until we don't need it anymore - once the negotiation has been forgotten, it's over.
Just call me Moana ;)
PS. If you need a song to settle this for you, you can listen to this one, (hit the "Artist Radio" button) I wrote it a long time ago, about all of these archetypes, for the wounded feminine and wounded masculine, and for any part, of anyone, that is still trapped in the illusion of blame.
No matter how often painful feelings ping-pong you back forth between emotional highs and lows, it is all a part of a bigger journey, where a release of control establishes a deeper space of connection - once all forms of negotiation come to an end. ~ Matt Kahn